Waiting for the rainbow
by YepTheRebel
Summary: Midoriya Izuku is young, small and pretty and she had no idea what to do when her teacher reached out and touched her like that. Or Midoriya gets assaulted at a young age, and it changes nothing and at the same time everything. Fem!Midoriya
1. Chapter 1

**Waiting for the rainbow**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Boku no Hero Academia**

**Summary: Midoriya Izuku is young, small and pretty and she had no idea what to do when her teacher reached out and touched her like that.**

**Or Midoriya gets assaulted at a young age, and it changes nothing and at the same time everything. Fem!Midoriya**

**Warning: insinuation of sexual assault!**

**Chapter 1**

Midoriya Inko chooses the neighbourhood because of its cheaper prices and peaceful nature, far away from the famous hero-school on the other side of the city which makes Musutafu famous. Additionally, there was a small park which included a playground close by the small apartment she was interested in, and a local middle-school, Aldera Junior High, surrounded with high walls.

So, Midoriya Inko chooses to live in a neighbourhood with the occasional graffiti-clad walls and silent streets, and here, bright, little Midoriya Izumi grows up.

.

Aldera Junior High is a derelict public school and with just too little funds to actually care about that. The children are all from the peaceful neighbourhood, destined to live in average houses with average jobs. The chances of them doing something actually _special_ in their future is close to none, and so the school does not even bother. Or maybe it's vice versa. It does not matter much either way.

When Izumi is old enough, she goes to the school with careful hope for _anything_ really, which is crushed not even two weeks in. You see, Izuku is quirkless. In addition, she is shy, frail and a cry-baby. She does not make new friends, especially not with her childhood-friend Kacchan's obvious dislike for her bleeding over to the other kids, and future prospects… Well, her best options are to marry rich _(as if)_ or do something which includes a lot of brain and close to no social interactions.

_(She was never going to be a hero. Hahaha, she didn't actually mean that, right?) _

No, her teacher had told her she _may_ have potential in the medical field or engineering if she worked hard. If anything, between her mean classmates and the blatant discrimination in the school, Izumi at least likes her teacher.

Still… Izumi just- She just doesn't want to go in either of those fields.

_(No, Izumi has always known what she wants. _

_Izumi wants to be a hero.)_

.

When Izumi is twelve, for the first time in forever, something of note happens in her neighbourhood. It's a small thing. Just a peep in the big picture. On November the 13th, a teacher of Aldera Junior High gets arrested for sexually assaulting a student.

The students are shocked, his colleagues are appalled, and the parents are horrified. No one had seen it coming, but, of course, one Asa Sakuro, an English-teacher who declared loudly to anyone who would listen that she apparently 'knew all along he was bad business!'

The media talks about it for a whole week. The articles all emphasize that even though the assaulted student stays anonymous for privacy reasons, she has _everyone's_ sympathies and support. After a week, a new story makes the headline and the assault is old news.

Of course, the neighbourhood doesn't forget as easily. The people talk and point when she appears again after a week because the students know perfectly well who the victim was and sometimes kids talk even more than adults.

When Izumi is twelve, her world gets shaken up and turned upside down and everything falls apart.

(Her mother cries and hugs her and all Izumi feels is cold as her handshake and but no tears seem to come.)

.

Her mom has asked her to go. As had been advised. It's _only a few sessions_, she had said, _just to be sure_. Izuku hadn't wanted to.

_''Nothing truly even happened, mom. He didn't- It's fine. I'm fine.''_

Now, she's sitting in front of a therapist again. This one is her second one. The first one had looked nice and he had smiled at her sweetly when they had shaken hands. Izuku had refused to go to him again.

This one is called Dr Asari Saionji. He was intimidatingly big, with arms bigger than her head and a scowly face. The first time Izuku they had a session alone, Izuku had panicked and frozen up.

His office was almost entirely glass, with heavy blinds hanging in front of some of selected the windows, presumably for privacy. But the therapist had stood up and opened all the blinds in the office. Izuku had been able to her mom then, sitting in the waiting room, and managed to calm down. Her mom had waved at her.

Now, she's able to sit with the man without having all the blinds open, even if most of them still are when she comes in. She finds the angry features of the man strangely comforting. They didn't give the illusion of comfort and kindness like-

Besides, they remind her of Kacchan.

It helped that the man was straightforward. They had had a long (awkward) talk about boundaries and he never crossed one with her after it. He always asked if what he was doing okay and made sure to stay put in his chair during their sessions.

_(Laying boundaries had been weird. It felt rude, melodramatic and unnatural, but… Well, secretly Izumi has to admit she's glad they are there.)_

She refuses to talk about her homeroom teacher or what happened. All, she tells him is that they're exaggerating the issue. Because they are. It hadn't been _that_ bad. Nothing actually happened after all_. _It had never actually gone that far. No matter what her mom and the therapist say, she doesn't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it is.

The man says it's okay to be freaked out by it, says it's okay to remember the touches and hate them, says just because something worse could've happened, doesn't mean it isn't bad on its own, says it isn't _weird_ to freeze up around others now or to shake when someone lays her hand on her shoulder.

Izuku doesn't really believe him.

Besides, it isn't as if the last was new. She did that _before_ too. Just-… less.

She clenches her fist around her arm, nails digging into her skin.

Only a few sessions.

* * *

They get a new homeroom teacher. A woman.

Izumi avoids her like the plague.

When the woman asks her to stay behind, she tells Izumi she has heard of her situation. She gives her sympathies and tells her Izumi can come to her for _anything_ she needs. Izumi tastes vomit and answers as curtly and reassuring as she can. The woman looks doubting but lets her go. Izumi shakes the whole way home.

* * *

Sometimes her mother stares at her.

She always looks so sad and guilty when she does, and Izumi can't help but feel guilty.

Her mother reassures Izumi and helps her and loves her. She bundles her up and makes her tea after nightmares, she gives Izumi's hand when Izumi feels nervous and she works so hard already.

Izumi can't help but think that maybe if she had been better, her mother would be happier.

* * *

The first time Kacchan acknowledges her again after what happened is seven weeks after the… incident. She's made him angry again. She doesn't know how, but that never makes a difference.

They're alone and she's apologizing for _something_ and his hands are crackling and there's an ugly glower on his face. He comes closer and her back hits stone and his crackling hand hits the wall next to her ear and Izuku panics.

Objectively, they've been in this pose a thousand times. Kacchan rages and his hand crackle and he hisses and spits and the worst that happens is that Kacchan gets a little too close and small burns appear on her shoulder or arms.

Izuku knowns this. It has happened often enough, and unless he's _really_ angry, she knows that if she just keeps quiet and apologizes a few times Kacchan will stomp off without doing anything.

It's scary but it isn't _new_. She never actually fights him off, doesn't dare to, and if she did dare, she probably couldn't.

That day she fights like she has never done before.

_Because the figure comes closer and closer and her back hits the blackboard. She's frozen and he's smiling at her so gently and his hand reach up and-_

She scratches and kicks and bites and slaps and fight off the hands like the devil possesses her. _Her breaths come short and her eyesight is blurry with tears and memories and she's doesn't care because she never wants him to touch her again-_

She doesn't know how she ends up home in her mother's arms again. When she asks her mother, she tells her it was Kacchan. Izuku doesn't really know how to feel about that.

(Kacchan never pins her against a wall again.)

.

Her next session with her therapist, she cries.

Ugly, loud, filthy sobbing. It still feels awkward and stupid, but she talks about her teacher (_Nagai-sensei, he was called Nagai-sensei, Nagai-sensei, Nagai-sensei-_) and how he'd been nice and how he'd cared. She talks about him never caring that she was quirkless and trusting him and him telling her that she should become a doctor or an engineer. And as she talks the words begin to come faster and more and she can't stop.

She talks how somehow, she hadn't been able to get loose of his grip, how at first, she hadn't even dared to say no, how she convinced herself he wasn't doing _that_, shame coiling in her gut. She tells the therapist how he'd smiled at her and how he'd grabbed once, and then another day again and-

She talks about shaking and freezing when someone lays a hand on her shoulder and _knowing it wasn't like that_ but not being able to stop herself. She talks of waking up at night tangled in her sheets with the sounds of her clothes ripping ringing in her ears. The fingers pressing in her skin and his smell, she isn't able to wash it off no matter how much she scrubs.

Her therapist nods as she talks and listens and he's rough around the edges but reassuring and he asks questions instead of answering them, and Izuku has never felt so grateful for it. So, she talks and cries and the session ends up way longer than scheduled, but when it's over she's still hiccupping and sniffling.

When she's let out of his office, he carefully touches her for the first time. He proudly, gently ruffles her hair and Izuku doesn't flinch away.

.

Her mother cries when she sees her red, puffy eyes and hears her sniffs.

_Thank god_, she murmurs, and Izuku doesn't really understand but she accepts the hug, burying her face in her mother's shoulder.

She doesn't notice Asari-sensei grinning softly and exchanging a look with her mother over her head.

(When she thinks back on it, she will remember that this is her first time that her mother sees her crying after her teacher assaulted her.)

.

_(''I love your hair, Midoriya-chan. It looks nice today. You should let it loose more often.'' Soft fingers caress the top of her head for only a few seconds, and Izumi glows. It isn't often that she's complimented by anyone besides her mother._

_''Thank you, sensei!''_

_She lets her hair down almost every day after.)_

Izumi cuts her hair.

Even though she can only remember having long hair, it's not a hard decision.

The girls at school giggle and the boys scoff. But they don't say it to her face. Not after the incident.

She knows it isn't girly, cute, not attractive. Izumi does not mind that. She thinks she rather not be attractive at all.

Inko smiles when she compliments the now short locks. (Her mother doesn't really understand but at the same time she really does.)

.

Her sessions with Asari-sensei become less.

She still has them, but her mother has allowed them to become only once in a week, and then once in a fortnight.

It feels like progress.

.

A few months later she's walking to the grocery store and she sees a pretty teenage girl becoming uncomfortable when an older man puts his hand on her arm. In seconds a group of, presumably, her friends interfere and pull the pretty girl away, giving the man suspicious and disgusted looks.

She doesn't know what bothers her the most about it. The man and his actions, the uncomfortable acceptance from the girl, or the sudden, immediate interference of the other girls. _(If she had had.. friends, would it have been different? Would it have stopped earlier, before-?)_

She barely registers moving inside the store, staring at the products and grabbing the ones her mom had asked for. Someone brushes behind her as they move passed her in the aisle and Izuku flinches so harshly she drops her bag.

And suddenly her shoulders hunch and her teeth grind.

It's unfair. It's so unfair.

Why did this happen to her? Why was it always her?! Quirkless, a girl, cry-baby and now _assaulted_. Weak fucking cry-baby.

_(She can still hear Kacchan laughing when she told him she wanted to be a hero.)_

Why wasn't she stronger? Why couldn't she be like Kacchan and just scream and hurt and demand?

_(Was it because she was a girl? Did all the girls have to deal with men like him? Just like that girl from before? Just smile and endure and wait for help. _

_She doesn't want that. Wasn't there any other way?)_

She feels disgusting, weak, angry, furious, raging and melodramatic.

_(''You're not being dramatic,'' Asari-sensei frowns, soothes. ''It's a natural response to the stress you've been put through.''_

_Izumi doesn't answer._

_''If others acted this way, would you think them dramatic?'' Asari-sensei pushes. No. No, Izumi wouldn't, but that was a whole different thing, wasn't it?)_

Her hands clench and there's a fire under her skin that won't leave.

''-ittle Miss? Are you alright? I'm sorry for bumping into you.'' A hoarse voice says causing Izumi to snap out of her thoughts.

Izumi quickly apologizes and tries to reassure the elderly lady, but she won't have it. And Izumi ends up with a bag of sweets as an apology. In return, Izumi insists on carrying the bag full of groceries from the woman to her address. It's only a small detour.

''Do you have a lot on your mind, little lady?'' The lady asks her, only now Izumi notices her yellow and crooked teeth and bright purple dress, greying hair pinned up in perfect buns. The lady hunches a bit of age. Her back bowed but strangely strong still.

Izumi shrugs in answer, wilts.

''Is it boy trouble?'' The woman presses teasingly and Izumi tenses.

Well, she could- Carefully, she braces herself and asks the woman, hoping she isn't being rude or too familiar, ''Say, oba-san, what do you do when a boy wants something you don't want to give?''

The woman frowns, suddenly looking bothered. ''Oh, that kind of trouble already? Saa, but you're so young, little lady. You shouldn't have to worry about that yet.''

That isn't really an answer but Izumi nods anyway. ''Ah, thank you.''

''Now, now, don't be so hasty.'' The woman tuts. ''There're three steps, little lady. First, you've got to refuse, doesn't matter what the boy wants or if he has any 'right' to get it, if it's yours to give then it's yours to refuse. That's very important, little lady.'' Izumi nods slowly.

''Now, the second- '' The woman continuous, waving a finger in her face. ''The second rule is that you've got to refuse with your words, _voice_ and _body_.'' Izumi opens her mouth to interrupt but the woman doesn't let her. ''Ah, ah, so impatient. Let me explain first. I don't mean necessarily in a violent kind of way, but in a communicative way. Refuse and refuse proudly. Don't make your voice too soft or coy, don't look away, don't say no but allow the boy to do it anyway.''

She gives Izumi a sharp prod in her shoulder. ''Don't hunch! It makes you look like an easy target! You have to stand strong and proud and make your body language and voice refuse as much as your words!''

Izumi flinches away a bit, feeling intimidated but strangely enraptured by the old lady and her words.

''Then what's the last rule?'' Izumi asks when no further words seem to keep coming from the lady.

''Well, little lady, when a boy still does not listen after the first two rules, the only answer is to raise your knee as hard as you can in their special place.''

It takes a second for Izumi to take that in and then she gapes at the cackling woman beside her, who waves her cane around and says meaningfully, still giggling ''And if your knee is not a possibility, well there are always other options!''

When they arrive at the lady's house, Izumi gets her bag of sweets and two bars of chocolate in spite of her protest. In exchange, Izumi offers to help her with her shopping more often and invites her for dinner at her preference.

As the woman waves her goodbye, she calls out ''Good luck, little lady, and don't let those boys get you down!''

As Izumi continuous home, she thinks that maybe if she had been stronger, she would've been able to stop _that man_. If she had said no with her words, voice and body, if she hadn't been so weak, she probably wouldn't even have been affected by his _fucking_ _lies_. Maybe wouldn't even have been approached.

None of the other girls had been touched like her by him.

She clenches her fingers into fists again, feeling her nails biting into her palms.

She wants to punch, and she wants to kick and she wants to hurt.

She never wants to be an easy target again.

.

When she comes home, she screams at her mom. She screams at the world and she screams at herself.

Then she holes herself up into her room for the whole day.

.

Her mother tries to get her out again the next morning. Her voice is tired and stressed and hurt and cracking and pleading, making Izuku fill to the brim with guilt. It makes her even angrier because she has the _right_ to be angry after what happened. She _knows_ it's bad to take it out on her mother, and that she doesn't deserve even half of her anger, but there's no one _else_.

She just wants to hurt, slam, smash, squeeze, bash-

She gets out five minutes later with a false smile and a real apology.

Her mother doesn't cry but Izumi knows it's only because she's trying to stay strong for her.

.

Her anger (_fear_) stays, but it becomes less. The rest slowly changes into determination.

Izumi asks to join a self-defence class a week later. Her mother isn't sure about it, not liking the violence but also seeing the good in her baby feeling safer.

In the end, Izumi talks with Asari-sensei, who supports it and Inko agrees.

The course lasts three months. Izumi slams, she punches, she kicks and she bashes.

It isn't enough.

She decides to take on kickboxing.

It's better but just not quite enough.

Only two months later BJJ joins the mix.

* * *

Only once, Asari-sensei warns her not to let her anger rule her and Izumi almost snorts.

She isn't Kacchan.

* * *

Her mother brushes her sweaty hair out of Izumi's face, tears falling down her cheeks.

''Oh, Izumi'' She sighs.

Izumi laughs breathlessly, still exhilarated by the last person she had fought in the tournament. A bit of blood dribbles down her chin, a tooth feels a bit wobbly. ''Did you see that, mom? Did you see-?!''

Her mom chuckles. ''Yes, yes, I saw.''

''I came in the top three, mom! In a mixed tournament, I-!'' She gasps.

''Yes, yes, you did, honey.'' Her mom says.

Izumi turns to the golden cup displayed, then to the silver one. That one was hers.

She wasn't quite there yet.

But...

''Oh, honey,'' Her mother sighs again, reassuring and so, so proud. ''You're going to take over the world, honey.''

And Izumi blushes, splutters and laughs, because, yes, yes, she will.

.

_(She's still nervous. She stutters, mumbles and cries. She's still quirkless._

_But it's better now. She isn't- She's still weak, but less. _

_She can say no when she has to. _

_And she's on her way to becoming strong. Even- even without quirk. _

_She's not- She won't be an easy target now.)_

.

Her last session with Asari-sensei is three months after that. He tells her she can always call him when she needs him, and she cries and thanks him for his help.

He's the first one she hugs besides her mother after her teacher had assaulted her.

.

She does call him again and again the next years and he always helps her.

They invite him over for dinner sometimes.

It's nice.

* * *

It's years later when Kacchan corners her for the first time in forever after her teacher tells about her plans to aim for UA.

Izumi doesn't freak out. She has had too many spars to still freak out about a being crowded, cornered. Kacchan could have body-pinned her, and she would have been able to deal with it, break out of it.

So, when Kacchan screams at her, Izumi doesn't hunch or cry or accept.

_(Izumi remembers oba-san's words well, has repeated them in her head again and again until they formed her world. She remembers them when she punches teeth in or when blood spill from her nose. She remembers them when she walks to school and when she analyses heroes. She remembers them when she works on her homework and when she looks people in the eyes. She's never going to forget them.)_

She waits until he falls silent and Izumi says _No_ with her words, voice and body, and all the fire she has blazing in her blood.

_No_, because it's hers to refuse and she won't let these boys get her down.

One way or another, she's going to try and become a hero.

* * *

She gets attacked by the Sludge Villain.

She has trained for months and months and the moment she gets engulfed by the slime she's helpless. She can't get free and there's a sticky liquid choking her and it's going down and down even as she tries to claw at it and turns her head this and that way, _but_ _nothing helps_.

'That's it then.' Her mind says, 'This is how I'm going to die.' Her vision blackens and surges. She thinks she may hear an exclamation, but it isn't clear through the static in her ears.

There's a blow of wind and she falls on the ground. There's still liquid inside her throat and she's coughing and gagging _and can't breathe_ but she tries to scramble away anyway. When the hand touches her, she lashes out, but it doesn't move at all.

Tears blur her eyes and then her stomach protests and flairs and she's throwing up.

When she comes up again, there's someone crouching before her. ''Careful, kid- '' They're saying, ''Come on breath with me.'' And he begins to count. One, two, three, four, five, in. One, two, three, four, five, and out. And repeat.

Izumi's vision slowly clears and-

_''All Might?_''

It is All Might. Big and bright and _amazing_.

_I've just thrown up in front of All Might_, she thinks hysterically. Her clothes are a mess and her skirt has ridden up far too high and there's probably saliva and vomit on her face and she's being a cry-baby again and she's _going to die, this is so embarrassing, it's All Might, oh my god_-

''Woah, kid. Slow breaths.'' He says and Izuku blinks and closes her eyes and tries to calm down again.

When she finally calms down, All Might apologizes to her for getting her mixed up in his Villain-hunt. He stands up and helps her up and he's _so_ _cool_. He gives Izumi her notebook, and it's _signed_. She has All Might's _autograph_. There's even a personalised message with her actual name. This is the best moment of her life. She can die happy now.

And then, it suddenly goes so fast.

She clings to his legs as he jumps away and there's another man who is All Might but not and there's a horrible twisting wound in his stomach and he's spitting blood. Then, he tells her she can't be a hero and he's gone.

Izuku stands on that roof for a long time. Still and frozen.

Her mind whispers 'Well, he isn't wrong. You couldn't fight _him_ off and he wasn't using his quirk at all-'

There's the taste of vomit in her mouth and Izuku doesn't know if it's from before or just-

She tells the voice in her head to shut up and forces her hand to let go of her other arm. There are small half-moons lightly bleeding left in her bicep. She sighs. She had promised her mother she would try to stop that (_again_). She just doesn't notice when she starts squeezing.

She needs to get home. Her mother would worry. She can- She can fall apart when she's home.

.

Only she doesn't go home.

Because Kacchan is in the middle of the streets, trying to fight off the Sludge Villain _-But All Might captured him, how -? It's my fault? _They're surrounded by others. Heroes, civilians but _no one is doing anything_. Kacchan is screaming and struggling and no one is helping.

He turns to her and Izuku knows that even if Kacchan hadn't saved her on that day, it wouldn't have mattered because his eyes are crying and screaming for help and her legs move on their own.

.

All Might saves them both.

Afterwards, the heroes all scold her for her carelessness and praise Kacchan for his bravery. When they're let go Kacchan screams at her that he didn't need her help and tells her she's quirkless and useless and then stomps away ̶ Nothing new there.

… He's not wrong either.

She's tired and feels sick but Kacchan is all right and she forces her feet to begin to move back home. She feels a sombre, bitter smile curl her lips.

Kacchan is really right. She really wasn't able to do anything, even with her one and a half year of training. Maybe… Maybe it's better if she focuses on a more realistic future from now. She doesn't want to be an engineer, or a doctor because it reminds her too much of her previous teacher, but maybe something else-

''I'M HERE!''

Izuku squeaks.

All Might zooms on the road. He's saying something about reporters, but in mid-word, he coughs blood and deflates into his skinny body. Izuku has to bite her lip to stop herself from squeaking again.

But this is nice, she can apologize for all the trouble she caused now.

''Kid.'' All Might interrupts her thoughts. ''I've come to thank you and revise what I said earlier… I also have a proposal.''

''Huh?''

''Without you.. If I hadn't heard your story.. I'd have been nothing but fake muscles and insincerity! So, thank you!'' All Might says, and that doesn't make _any_ sense.

''Fake muscles?'' She mumbles and then she hastens to answer ''But.. No. I mean, it was all my fault from the start! I'm so sorry for all the troubles I caused you! I got in your way… even though I'm quirkless I dared to ask if- ''

''Exactly!'' All Might exclaims. ''Of all the people at the scene, it was only you, timid and quirkless, who acted! You spurred me into action!''

Izuku blinks and she feels like she's missed several scenes of a movie she's watching. What is he saying? It seems as if her heart is beginning to beat louder and louder as All Might continuous.

''Most of the top heroes show signs of greatness even as children. Many claim that their bodies simply moved before they could think! That's what happened to you back there, wasn't it?!''

Tears begin to gather in Izumi's eyes.

''YES, YOU CAN BE A HERO!"

.

What follows sounds like a fairy tale, if Izuku is being honest. It's weird and unbelievable but this is _All_ _Might_. In a nutshell, All Might can transfer his quirk. Izuku is still not really able to wrap her head around it. How is it possible? And why her? But when All Might asks her to be his successor there's really no other answer.

''Yes… I-I accept!''

* * *

All Might asks to meet with her two days after on the Dagobah beach. It's- It's a thing.

They had exchanged phone numbers, and when he asked her to meet with her- Well, Izumi trusts All Might. Of course, she trusts All Might. It's _All Might_.

But as she stares at the floor from her bedroom, she thinks 'All Might wants to make me his successor!' as much as 'I'm meeting with a stranger, in a strange place and I have no idea what will happen or who will be there.'

_(Because Izumi had made the words stranger danger just as much hers as the words from Oba-san. Not that her teacher had been a stranger. Maybe that was what terrified her the most.)_

Because _if_ All Might will actually train her himself- Izumi _knows_ All Might. She knows every detail from his exact height to weight, to his favourite movie and food. She has been his fan since day number one. But… She doesn't actually know All Might.

And Izumi thinks she can't actually do this. She grabs her phone and bites her lip. She types something, removes it, then types again and removes it again.

'What if All Might thinks I'm nit-picking too much. What if he won't want me as a successor anymore?' Izumi thinks she'd rather do anything to be trained by All Might. She stares at her phone for a while and lays it down again.

It doesn't matter. It's _All Might_. It'll be alright.

.

She wakes up the next day and she trusts All Might still, of course. But…

_(She had trusted him too and look where that got her.)_

(She makes sure to keep her phone on her and tell her mom what time she'll be home. Then she runs out before her mother can ask her where she's going.)

.

In the end, only All Might is there and the only thing he does is force her to drag garbage across the beach. It's very heavy and the hot weather doesn't help but All Might explains she need to build up more muscle mass for the quirk and that it would make him happy to be able to see the beach again without the heaps of trash.

She's very glad she's already built up some muscle from the martial-arts classes she follows. She can't imagine dragging these heaps of metal with the sticks she had before as arms. Sure, what she had now wasn't impressive by _any_ means, but at least there was _something_.

One of the first things she notices that first training is that All Might is big and _heavy_. Intimidatingly big, in fact. She hadn't noticed their first meeting, with the rush of everything, but now she notices it every time he moves, especially when he's in his hero form. His hand could easily span her entire torso then, and in his true form, he towers over her with at least three heads.

But Midoriya finds she doesn't… It doesn't distress her.

Still, at the end of the morning, she's nervously fiddling and still can't look All Might in the eyes.

And she _is_ cautious.

But All Might isn't perfect like Nagai-sensei. He's rough around the edges and Izumi.. really likes that. He sighs a lot, makes jokes and encourages her. Sometimes he even stammers and flaps around. It's scary and weird to casually interact with her idol, but it gets better as time goes on.

She shouldn't be suspicious of him; this is _All Might _after all.

_(It doesn't stop her from flinching when big hands move too quickly and tensing when the smiles get just a tinge too gentle. Doesn't stop her from having a phone on her always. Just three presses on the home-button and her mom gets an emergency call. Doesn't stop her from looking from any signs. )_

But All Might seems very aware of her limits and boundaries. His eyes never stray. He is very respectful of her personal space and only ever touches her to help her with her training.

Izumi is very glad about it.

_(Somewhere in the second week, All Might crouches down before her and asks what's wrong. It's only after some needling that Izumi finally admits she would like to tell her mother about her outings. She rushes out that she doesn't even have to tell her mother about his secret, just about a 'trainer' who has taken her under his wing and the place where they train. She would even be able to refer it to her martial-arts interest, instead of her ambition to become a hero. _

_All Might blinks surprised and he hesitates for only a bit before agreeing._

_When Izumi tells her, Inko doesn't like it and wants to meet him. Izumi understands. _

_It's a week later when Izumi brings up the courage to ask All Might for dinner. When she convinces him, it's another week later, but Izumi doesn't think she's ever felt anything more surreal than the moment they were having dinner at their home with All Might in his true form as guest._

_Her mother still isn't sure about the man, but later that night, she tells Izumi she trusts Izumi's judgement and Izumi has never felt so thankful. They both end up crying again.)_

The months that follow are hard.

All Might's training is tough, and it feels as if school has suddenly decided to up the work-load. She works night and days and her muscles tremble as her head feels like cotton because of all the information stuffed in it in a short time.

In the end, Izumi even ends up being scolded for overdoing it.

But then, she finally ready. It's a Saturday morning and the entire beach is empty. Months ago, you couldn't even see the ocean. There was trash laying as far as you could see. Now, she's standing on the last bit of trash, sweat dripping and still breathing heavy and the sun is still rising, spreading sunlight over the empty beach.

She did this.

_She did this. _

And she's going to do more.

.

That day she receives All Might's quirk.

She still has two weeks to go before the exams. It's just going to have to be enough.

She's going to be a hero.

* * *

**Notes:**

**1.****I'm not an expert on therapy.. From what I know and my experience everything what I wrote is fairly accurate. The only thing which is a bit trippy is inviting your therapist to come over for dinner, but I learned that therapy can be a lot less formal than you may think (at least what I thought), especially with kids who flourish more with relationships like that. Still, can't guarantee it will be realistic to you guys tho. If you've feedback, tell me. I'll check it out.**

**2\. ****In japan they also call doctors sensei… I wasn't sure if that also included psychologists, but apparently, it is so. **

**3\. ****Izumi victim-blames herself in here, and that's very bad. Please don't think that I condone that, that it's even acceptable and please don't do it to yourself. **

**Thanks for reading my story and please leave a review!**

**kisses!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Boku no hero Academia**

**Also, thnx for all the comments and love on the previous chapter!**

**Chapter 2**

Izumi tugs at her hair, staring in the mirror.

It's been growing longer again. It isn't even close to her shoulders yet. Hell, it's barely past her ears, but it isn't the short-short cut she had before.

She doesn't know what she thinks about it yet.

She doesn't want it long. But this isn't _long_ exactly.

And- And some part of her does like it.

It's softer… Prettier. Makes her look a bit more like a girl. Or like she could be a girl— like she looked— What's the word? She knows she's read in on forums before— more androgynous? She's pretty sure that was it.

She frowns at the mirror again.

Asari-sensei had told her to not let what her previous teacher did to her define her, her thoughts and her actions. This includes her appearance. More to the end of their routine sessions, they've had plenty talks about her sudden dislike for pretty, girly and flattering clothes and about her hair, no matter how unwarranted it had seemed to her sometimes.

But it's hard, she realizes quickly. She can't help but feel less confident, uncomfortable when she goes out in something too flattering, or tight, or revealing, or pretty. Reasonably she _knows_ that there isn't some… predator lurking around every corner but-

It's like a whirlwind of thoughts that conflict every time she looks in the mirror.

She's thinking about it at least. Asari-sensei would say that was the first step, wouldn't he?

She sighs, tugs at her tie which looks more than a bit crooked, and then tugs at her skirt too. The guidelines of the school had been pretty strict about the gender-specific uniforms, but she's glad that the school allowed for girls to wear shorts or leggings under them at least. Besides, the uniform wasn't necessarily a flattering cut. That helps too.

She had always been rather plain-looking too.

It isn't her _own_ choice like this. So, she won't feel guilty to Asari-sensei for not trying hard enough.

_(She banishes the thought of girls from her previous class who would adjust their uniform just a bit, who would hike it up a bit to look just a bit more flattering and give them longer legs, who would make the blouse fit just a bit tighter around some of the areas, who started to wear make-up, subtly making their lashes long and dark and their lips glisten.)_

She looks at her hair one more time, hesitating.

It doesn't matter. She doesn't have time to cut it before class today anyway.

Besides, she's going to _Yuuei_ today for her first day. She has more important things to worry about than what her hair looks like.

* * *

Their homeroom teacher is a man.

Izumi swallows.

She'd known already, theoretically. Her mother had already told her about it, and asked her if she was sure she was going to be alright and to tell her if she had a bad feeling and all-

It isn't as though Izumi hadn't had male teachers after Nagai-sensei. Sure, her homeroom teacher had stayed the same woman for the rest of her years in middle school, but there had been others. Ones she had known from before the incident.

_(They had mostly avoided her if they could. Been overly polite and distant. Izumi hadn't minded.)_

Really, she doesn't know what she expected. The hero-industry was dominated by men. Sure, there were many heroes who were woman, very high-ranking ones too. Miruko, Recovery Girl and Ryukyu to name a few. But if you look at the whole of it, there's still a significant discrepancy between the amount of female and male heroes, especially concerning battle-orientated heroes. Additionally, females often end up becoming sidekick heroes, even if they did become heroes.

Izumi had read plenty of studies about the reasons for the phenomenon, all blaming it on different factors. Some claim the problem stems from the fact that females often have a lower ambition to push for the top, and are easier satisfied with a lesser if more stable jobs. Others argue it's because females are biologically less predisposed to violence. And again other studies, who maintain it's because of the social construct of gender roles which are still leftover from before quirks started to show up in society centuries ago, even though this theory is a controversial stance as other theories argue that the coming of quirks has absolved the previous gender-role as the biological physical power balance between the genders has been upset.

_(Izumi personally thinks it's probably a little bit of them all.)_

Whatever the reason, there had been a large chance that Izumi would get mainly male-teachers.

Izumi _knew_ this, however subconsciously.

Besides, it isn't that females can't or don't make her uncomfortable either. Just less so, often.

Luckily, having had Aizawa-sensei for two days now, Izumi can already conclude that Aizawa isn't a very gentleman. He seemed rather blunt and well… His appearance wasn't exactly…

It was very different from Nagai-sensei. So, Izumi reasons, this should be doable. Perfectly doable.

She scratches at her nails. They're uneven.

It will be fine, anyway. She just has to get used to it. She had already worked with All Might as a teacher for hours.

(Even though that's maybe not really fair. Because that's_ All Might_.

She's really got All Might as mentor.

She must have done something absolutely _amazing_ in her past life.)

She could do a few more.

She's had plenty teachers.

_(All had taken getting used to after her incident. All had been scrutinised. None had been trusted, no matter what the school-counsellor had said, no matter what mom had said, no matter what Asari-sensei said. _

_It wasn't like she could turn the nervousness or cautiousness off.)_

She can totally handle a few new ones.

That's alright. She doesn't have to be close to any of her teachers here.

Just interact with them politely.

Just get used to them. First Aizawa-sensei, then Present Mic, then Cementoss and on.

_Step for step_, she remembers Asari-sensei say.

It doesn't have to be anything special, just a normal, distant teacher-student relationship.

She can totally do that.

* * *

She makes acquaintances, or possibly even _friends_ (!) surprisingly quickly and easily. There are Uraraka and Iida, who she both met before at the entrance exam.

Uraraka had been really nice and bubbly at the Entrance exam, even if afterwards she threw up on Izumi's shoes. Meeting her again, Izumi finds that Uraraka is chatty, cute, a bit blunt, overwhelming and touchy. Her overall happiness and sweetness are just as confronting as comforting. Izumi has never met anyone quite like her before.

(To be honest, the touching is a bit much. No one touches her this much, not even her mom. Not many people touched her anyway, but mom, Asari-sensei and recently sometimes All Might. Well, Kacchan's parents would try to her hug every time they saw her, but Izumi didn't see them often. It's not…

She has to get used to it, can't always stop the tensing, the flinches. Uraraka, luckily, doesn't seem to notice.)

Iida is a surprise. At the Entrance-exam the boy had been loud, scary and casually invasive of her space. When he joins Uraraka in asking her for lunch, Izumi had been surprised and apprehensive but as she learns, Iida is incredibly respectful if not a bit… unaware. He seems very set in his ways but when Izumi asks him awkwardly if he can back away a bit, he does so immediately, without even asking why and with a way too overboard apology, including a bow at exact ninety degrees.

It's a bit embarrassing but weirdly nice at the same time.

He reminds her a bit of Asari-sensei, in the weird way that they were polar-opposites but much the same anyway.

All in all, both Iida and Uraraka are incredibly nice if pretty intimidating and take getting used to. There are others of course in the class, of course. A lot of happy classmates that she's too awkward and shy to talk to still. _But that's alright_, she can almost hear Asari-sensei say again, _just take it step by step_.

It's weird to hope like this. It feels a bit like her breath chokes a bit every time Iida and Uraraka wait for her or turn to her or look for an answer or addition to the conversation from her. Every time Iida sweeps in with dramatic hand gestures and every time Uraraka bursts out in giggles, it makes something in her tingly.

_(It feels desperate to hope.)_

Of course, there's also Kacchan who she somehow ended up with in the same class _again_, but Izumi is fairly sure that she could deal with that if it means studying at Yuuei.

Better yet, Izumi could possibly deal with the class, Yuuei really as a whole. Just- A normal school, with no whispers following her, no stares, no pity and no teasing. She wonders if this is what school is like for normal people.

Then again, Izumi amends her thoughts, Yuuei isn't exactly a normal school, especially their hero-course. This idea is enforced as Izumi looks at Uraraka, eyes widening as she takes in the hero-costume she's now wearing.

It's cute. Pastel pink with black design, with some sort of large boots of a harder material, a belt and a head-device. It fits the aesthetic of both her personality and quirk very well. It's flashy but not over the top and will probably be a huge hit with the public.

Izumi can't stop the immediate stab of anxiety in her gut at how tight it is though.

She throws a quick look around at all the other girls and can't stop the frown that twitches her brow. Izumi's hero outfit is the loosest of them by far. A jumpsuit, with baggy pants and a tighter top, but still fairly loose, especially if you compare it to Uraraka, which seems the norm. To not even speak of the tall girl- Yaoyorozu Momo, she thinks the name was- and the invisible girl – Haga-something?

She clenches her nails into her arm subtly, counts to ten, then again. _(Resists thinking about the girls' skin, which was just so easily touched, thinks about it no meaning anything when someone touches your bare skin, thinks about trusting others to respect your boundaries in such a way that you believe they wouldn't without your permission.) _Another ten seconds and then she forces herself to function again. Her nails haven't broken skin, and she rather keep it that way.

To be fair, most heroes wear tight clothes, man or woman. It has a strategic advantage. The less fabric, the lighter the suit and a lesser chance of fabric getting caught on something or by a villain. Besides that, it's a preferred look by the public and often a side-effect of the fabrics used. Most manufactures for hero-costumes probably made the suits tight by habit and because it was plain easier unless it was specified differently.

The only other girl close to her looser style was Jirou. Who looked rather cool, to contrast Izumi in her rather mediocre kinda janitor like jumpsuit in green, with white 'hero costume detailing' in an attempt to pimp it up a bit. She plucked at the tough fabric. Her mother had made for Izumi and she had loved it instantly, especially because her mother seemed so aware of her need to just- have it a bit baggier than was really cute for girls, but now she suddenly wasn't so sure anymore.

She obviously had gone for a less flashy, more conservative choice than the rest of the girls.

_Damn it,_ _Izumi_, failed Asari-sensei again.

She scowls and puts on her boots. They're red, looking just like her usual ones, but have more heavyweight than she's used to. It feels nice.

At least they're kinda bright. That can count for flashy, right?

''Deku?'' Uraraka's big eyes blinked down at her. It causes Izumi to notice that the pastel pink costume also is equipped with tiny heels.

''O-oh! I'm so sorry! Did y-you say something? I got lost in my head there.'' She laughs awkwardly, ducking her shoulders and trying to stop her hand from awkwardly going to back of her head. She fails.

Uraraka giggles at her, and Izumi hastily looks away, feeling red beginning to spread along her cheeks. Uraraka, who looks admittedly incredibly cute in her own hero-outfit, even with Izumi's reservations. She says so and now Uraraka laughs, turning a bit red and scratching the back of her neck.

''You don't think it's too tight? I didn't mean for it to be like this, but I guess I forgot to write the specifics down…'' She says, looking slightly embarrassed. Izuku frowns.

''Are you uncomfortable?''

Uraraka blinks at her, possibly a bit thrown at her sudden change of tone. ''No, no, it's alright! It's just a bit tighter than I expected. It's no problem!''

Izumi frown at her assurances. ''It's perfectly fine to wear something over it. We can go to All Might or Aizawa-sensei after the lesson and ask them if there's something to be done about it.'' She offers, already looking around if someone has a spare jacket which Uraraka can wear. Izumi spots something else though. Yaoyorozu is moving away and if Izumi can remember her quirk right then-

''Ah, uh, excuse me, Yaoyorozu-san,'' Izumi says, ''I'm sorry to bother but Uraraka-san's costume is a bit tighter than she's comfortable with. Could you possibly make something for her? Ah, i-if that's really your quirk? Can you make fabrics? Maybe I was wrong yesterday…'' She trails off awkwardly, suddenly feeling less sure of herself.

The tall girl blinks down at her for a second and then turns to an already protesting Uraraka.

She waves both of her hands frantically in front of her. ''No, no, no, don't worry about it! It's fine! I- It's just a bit different than I expected.''

''Are you sure?'' Izumi asks, ''I-It's completely fine if you aren't. You really shouldn't feel pressured if you're not comfortable.'' She hopes she isn't being too presumptuous but she doesn't want Uraraka to feel insecure. ''I think it will look just as c-cute if it's looser! E-Especially if you're more comfortable that way!''

Uraraka freezes. Then blinks at her for exactly three seconds before squealing and clinging to her arm. ''Aw, Deku, that's way too sweet of you to say!''

And there's the flush. ''No, no, it's just- you, I mean.'' She stutters, raising her other arm to hide behind it.

There's a soft laugh, and Izumi is harshly reminded there are in fact others in the room, specifically Yaoyorozu who's blinking down at them with a hand before her mouth. Izumi's face is becoming tomato-red. She just knows it.

''Oh, I'm sorry, Momo-san!'' Uraraka pipes up then, and Izumi has no idea how she's already so familiar with her that she gave her a nickname, ''It really is fine. Deku was just worrying too much. Thank you though!''

Yaoyorozu nods. ''If you're sure, Uraraka-san. But if you do want something, you just have to say. I don't mind helping out. It is indeed a weird feeling to suddenly wear something so different.''

Uraraka nods excitedly. ''I know right! You made such a bold choice though! I'm sure you've got it way worse than me.''

''Well, it's the most practical with my quirk,'' Yaoyorozu says as they follow the others outside. And that makes sense. Izumi had seen yesterday how she formed objects from her skin. If she needed larger things, it would make sense she needed more space for it to form, and thus less fabric covering her. Still…

''Oh, right! You can materialise things from your skin with your quirk, right? That's the reason you need a lot of bare skin, right? S-still, you must be brave. I would be c-completely terrified to wear something like that. I probably would've gone for something more traditional, like wearing shorts and a crop-top, or something. Or maybe a long skirt over it, with a slit? Something loose would be easy to sweep away but still cover. A cape?'' Izumi trails off, realising she'd begun to mutter.

Uraraka is smiling at her and nodding, already mostly used to it, but Yaoyorozu looks a bit surprised.

She flushes. ''I-It's really brave of you, that's what I-I meant.''

Yaoyorozu pinks a bit. ''Oh. Well, thank you. I did consider those other options you mentioned too. I actually send several designs in for my costume, because I wasn't sure what would be the best. The manufacturer ended up going for this one. It's a bit adjusted, as it was inspired by a family member. I guess it's flashier, and as such more marketable.''

A family member? Oh, right, Yaoyorozu was a recommended student, wasn't she? She must have family in the hero-business then. Still, Izumi frowns up at the girl. ''Are you comfortable then though? It sounds like you didn't get much say in the end result.''

''Oh, no, I'm fine! It's a bit different than I expected and it's a bit of an adjustment, sure. But the manufacturer has probably a better understanding of costumes, so I'm sure it's for the best. Besides, we're here for three years, I'm sure there will be other adjustments to the costume on the way.'' Yaoyorozu assures.

''Well, if you're sure..'' Uraraka says. ''It is a cool look though!''

Izumi nods and says, ''You both look very hero-y.''

Uraraka giggles and then proceeds to drown her in compliments for her hero-costume in return, causing Izumi to almost chokes on her own tongue. ''I love yours though. It's so practical and _badass_! I could never pull that off, but I mean you got that whole cool mechanic jumpsuit vibe going on! You look like you could totally mess villains up and- !''

She feels her shoulders rise, just like the red in her face and quickly pulls up her hands to hide behind them. Uraraka is really just a bit much, but really rather sweet.

And if Izumi feels a bit more confident walking around after in her new hero costume, that's no one's business but her own.

* * *

Izumi has to fight Kacchan on her first battle-training. Kacchan is wearing even baggier pants than her with a skin-tight shirt. Izumi thinks it looks rather cool, even if Uraraka, who's she _so_ _lucky_ to have been paired with for this lesson, whispers it looks a bit scary.

Of course, Kacchan has been having a fit since yesterday, since she revealed 'her new quirk'. So, it's probably more the ugly frown on his face which has Uraraka intimidated than his costume, but Izumi refrains from commenting.

Predictably enough, Kacchan immediately hunts her down when the timer starts. He screams a lot at Izumi and she has a lot of fun slamming him into floors and slamming her fist into his solar plexus, causing him to double over coughing.

Of course, like always with Kacchan, it can't stay fun.

It isn't really hard to reason why Kacchan's angry, even if she has to omit the actual understanding part. Kacchan is angry because he hadn't known about her quirk. Because somehow, he has the right to know everything about her business, even if they would rather slam each other's noses in than actually talk for longer than ten minutes.

Of course, his stupid obnoxiousness manages to make Izumi angry too, because what does he think happened? That she had hidden her quirk from him for years? Just to mess with him or something? That doesn't even make sense. Though it is just _typical_ enough of him to think in the sense that the world revolves around him.

But really, does he think that she would've let that happen, let her teacher do that to her if she had this quirk?

_(Would she have? Would she have been too afraid to do something about it anyway? – She likes to think she wouldn't have been.)_

So, she ends up screaming right back.

(Kacchan hesitates as always when she loses her temper and pushes back. Then he grins manically and comes for her again. It only manages to anger her even more.)

She ends up breaking his nose, getting burns all over and breaking her own arm, in several different places, but it's worth seeing the look in his eyes at the end.

.

At the end of the day, she runs after him and hisses at him ''Do you truly think I would've let him do that? That I would've just taken _that_ if I could've done something-!'' because she hadn't been able to let the thought go and it makes her throat close every time she thinks about it.

He backs down a bit, like always happens when that particular part of the past is brought up but at the same time his brows furrow. Then his eyes clear and _finally_ he relaxes a bit.

He doesn't answer her but Izumi is pretty sure it isn't because he wants to spare her feelings.

Ha. _Kacchan_, as if.

He hadn't thought about it like that. That's strangely comforting. He doesn't think she would let someone do that to her if she had to power to stop them. _(He just thinks she's a weak little quirkless nobody, who wouldn't be able to save anyone, not even herself.)_

''Your quirk came late, really late.'' He concludes finally.

It's not quite true, but it might as well have been.

''Last summer.'' She snaps back, because this still really wasn't his business, and even though she had brought it up again, he should have let it alone in the first place. Kacchan frowns but Izumi isn't done yet. ''I can't really control it yet, but I'm going to. And then I'm going to become a hero, one of the best. A hero who will save people with a smile.''

All Might interrupts them then, but that's alright.

Izumi has said her piece already.

* * *

**So, the facts.**

**One; wasn't really planning on continuing this story. Figured it worked well as a one-shot. **

**Two: I now have 20.000 words written out already, not including these chapters. **

**So, yes, there will probably follow more updates, however, they'll be very sporadic.**

**A warning for you all: this isn't going to be one of those master stories of more than 100K words. This is going to be a (probably) chronical drabble series about Izumi in this universe with possibly a bit of worldbuilding. Everything I won't write about, you can assume happened mostly the same as cannon, or use your imagination or somethin. So, the entry-exam and all. It was just too tiring to write all that out, especially, because most of y'all already know the details. **

**This chapter is a bit shorter than I usually go for, but I figured, what the hell, I wasn't planning on this mess anyway. And I did not do my normal grammar-check, which is miserable, but at least something, so.. yeah, sorry. **

**Enjoy?**

**Kisses!**


End file.
